Alexander

Warner Bros. presents a film directed by Oliver Stone. Written by Stone, Christopher Kyle and Laeta Kalogridis. Running time: 175 minutes. Rated R (for violence and some sexuality/nudity).

 

Director Oliver Stone recuts his film for the eleventh time, producers say it’s too gay.

 

Director Oliver Stone recuts his film for the twelfth time, producers say it’s not gay enough.

 

Director Oliver Stone had to suck on another man’s dick, producers say he just wasn’t gay enough.

 

Director Oliver Stone had to service sixty seven women in a row, producers thought he was too gay.

Give me a fucking break. Here’s what it boils down to. A lot of suggestion to the fact that Alexander fornicates with oily and girlish looking men. Oh yeah he and his buddy Jared Leto hug several times.

 

About two hours, maybe less, into this film I stopped paying attention to what was going on and I had a chance to admire the production value. Marking the first time I’ve had the inkling to do so. At first I thought what a terrible thing. This movie is so boring that I’m looking at the fucking walls and the extras. After a second thought I figured that if I were a true film appreciator I would just appreciate the fact that I had the opportunity to admire the writing on the walls and the costumes and a whole lot of other shit that was obviously more important than the movie that had given up on the age old gimmicks of the old one, two and three act.

 

This movie is amazing…’ly long. I’d recommend it if you all weren’t all busy with the four hours or more of the extended addition of Lord of the Rings Return of the King. This movie has a few good battle scenes, but once again they are the kind of action scenes that look like this on the page…

 

“The good guys line up on the left and the bad guys on the right and then they charge each other drawing their swords and then they fight.”

 

It looked like every body was trying really hard to make a great film, but hey shit happens. Sometimes you’re Alexander the Great and sometimes you’re Alexander the thing the do on a Saturday night if you don’t have a date and you wanna watch a giant mess of a melodrama in the form of a history lesson.

 

p.s.

 

I almost forgot. Rosario Dawson! Wow!

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~ by fumikaelson on December 19, 2004.

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