Harold and Kumar go to White Castle Volume One

New Line Cinema presents a film directed by Danny Leiner. Written by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg. Running time: 96 minutes. Rated R (for strong language, sexual content, drug use and some crude humor).

 

So here’s what happened…

 

I was on my way to see this epic tale of life in America and the dream that brought us all here. I was on my way to see a movie directed by the guy that directed Dude, Where’s My Car. A film I’ve never seen and vowed never to see that is until we’ve reached a settlement with the director. You see, years ago, at least several years before “Dude’s” 2000 release my brother Thomas wrote a film called “Where did you park your car last summer?” “Dude” is an obvious rip off of my brother’s highly original work. Until we get some residuals we’re not going to be happy. All that aside, I was on my way, first placing a call to my brother making sure he hadn’t filmed anything like a couple of guys going to McDonalds. He responded to the negative so I continued my drive to the theater. This is where the story gets interesting. I take a wrong turn somewhere near I-25 and the Denny’s and I end up right smack dab where you don’t want to be when the sun’s not shining. The west side. I’m by myself and though I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet, I was lost. It was not long after this revelation that I pass by several hooligans taking pipes and other heavy instruments to the head of a nice looking passerby. Without a doubt I stop the car, grab my tire jack and do my best impersonation of the Will Smith walk to the disturbance. Just as the hooligans take notice of me I’m already swinging my tire jack into the air and down on the already bloodied passerby. My thinking was to make an enemy of the hooligans enemy, making the hooligans and myself allies. I got several congratulatory high fives as my last couple blows were probably the death blows, that’s what they said anyway, I’m not one to boast. Then I admit to a little fib. I told the hooligans that my dad was on his way to the theater from their nice, though shabby, neighborhood and he got lost. I was hoping that the know it all in the group would pipe in with the right way out of the ghetto and back to my side of town. Instead I was invited back to their “crib” for some “chronic.” Being a student of many arts I am accustomed to role playing and character work may not be my strong suit, but the hooligans were never the wiser. We arrive at the crib at a quarter past eight where we are said to be “hooking up” with several “honeys.” This obviously meant that we would have the pleasure of three maybe four young ladies. I was instantly reminded of time spent in the orient. It was a fairly large club and most nights were boy’s night out, but still every time we would each be charmed by the loveliest of Geishas. The “chronic” was not unlike a sinful tea, the Geisha would pour, with such a fashion and tradition one would become half aroused simply through gaze and awe. These “honey’s”, though not of the elegance I came to expect, were not without their charms. Their exaggerations in reference to their own bowels, a bit of a faux pa where I come from, were an interesting subject change from the latest on “Pimp my Ride”, a current popular show on the MTV. This is where luck comes my way. One of the more appealing young ladies, that we hooked up with tonight, needed a ride home and as luck did have it for yours truly, she was going my way. Going my way in more ways than one, a hooligan said to me, though I only understood in part what he was saying.

 

This review will appear in chapters. Check back later to get the next installment of the exciting thrills that was my trip to see Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

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~ by fumikaelson on August 5, 2004.

One Response to “Harold and Kumar go to White Castle Volume One”

  1. I can hardly wait for the next installment of this review!! I….hope it comes fast.

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