United Artists presents a film directed by Brian Dannelly. Written by Brian Dannelly and Michael Urban. Running time: 92 minutes. Rated PG-13 (for strong thematic issues involving teens — sexual content, pregnancy, smoking and language).

So there I was, sinnin’. God came to me and said “son!” I believe he was referring to me as “son” in an informal context. God said to me, “son, you have to see this movie, dude.” So I asked, what movie could be so important that He, Himself come down to tell me about it. Doesn’t he know I Tivo Ebert and Roeper? He says, “It’s this movie with Mandy Moore.” I say, “You’re putting me on.” The lord our God was referring to a little darling of a film called Saved. Is this movie Devine? Only in the sense that it’s a film about worship and that the Almighty recommends it.

This is that film, we’ve all seen before, where a girl on the verge of womanhood gives her virginity to her gay boyfriend in the hope that it will cure him of his homosexuality. She believes this to be Jesus’ purpose for her. The film stars Jena Malone as the aptly named Mary and Mandy Moore as the evil Hilary Faye. This movie probably will offend a few people out there because it turns an angry eye on incredibly psychotic fanatics and as we all know, incredibly psychotic fanatics are offended by most things. This is, just, what they do. Playing the psychotics in Saved are those of you who just can’t help but tell all of us, who wipe our asses a little different, how wrong we are and then of course save us from eternal damnation. Naturally, Mary, after becoming pregnant, with her Jesus inspired gay love child, will learn just how much Hilary Faye uses her love for Jesus as a currency for treating all of those around her like shit. Holy shit, but shit nonetheless. While this movie may sound like one that spits in the face of religion, it isn’t. I’m just not a very comprehensive writer. This film and it seems the film makers represent the kind of Christians, who were tired of seeing their faith dragged through the mud by neurotic psychotics who see the worshiping of Jesus as a means of attaining high social status. It’s just occurred to me that I’m using the term “psychotic” a bit much, so I’ll talk about another character. It’s Macaulay Culkin in a film role that doesn’t require putting on after shave. Macaulay plays brother to the character I’m not referring to due to my over extended use of the word pertaining to mental health. He’s survived child stardom, his parents stealing his money and his siblings becoming slightly better actors. His performance here isn’t anything to write home or on a web sight about, but it isn’t bad either. He goes after comedy with that same subtle way that worked so well for him as a child, acting opposite John Candy in Uncle Buck.

This film is full of winning performances and witty dialogue and is well worth your time and frivolously wasted money. The satire works well and the characters feel like people you either know or know enough to never meet. Saved is a thoughtful look at just what’s gone wrong in the church and in our state.

That’s the movie I saw anyway.

Charlie Baker


The last line regarding a church and a state was in no way a reference to current political goings on or the president, whom I support fully. I think.

~ by fumikaelson on June 14, 2004.

3 Responses to “Saved!”

  1. Bush licks balls, as for religion people created it and the rules to go along with. Spirtuality is what people lack(fuck i can’t spell). People vote, but dogs elect the canidates.

  2. Bush licks balls, as for religion people created it and the rules to go along with. Spirtuality is what people lack(fuck i can’t spell). People vote, but dogs elect the canidates.

  3. I CRASHED MY VAN INTO JESUS!!!!!! Mandy Moore is so great Charlie. Saved! is just a great comedy that also has a thinly veiled “good” message.

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